Pushy Friends and Drunk Bridesmaids – September 28th, 2000

Today I watched Girl Interrupted. It was such a good movie. I can’t believe it’s a true story, so crazy! Angelina Jolie is a babe.

Last night I had a 3 hour conversation with Chels on the phone. Dad kept trying to kick me off because I spend too much time of the phone when he’s waiting for business calls to come through. He’s getting a double line because he says he can’t take it anymore. I waited ’til he went to bed and called her back so he wouldn’t know.

She kept asking me how I feel about George. I guess I like him because he’s really strange, and it’s really nice to finally have someone as strange as me that I can talk to.

I don’t like Chels being in my business though. She just doesn’t know when to stop. I don’t like her asking me how I feel about George. I’m like, “Hello… private!” Maybe she will understand when she gets a boyfriend too.

She bought me a present, that was really sweet. She got me the single ‘Gone Away to College’ by Blink 182. It’s a live version so it’s a bit different to the one I already have. Chels said they have kind of killed it a bit. Oh well, it’s still a good song.

Everything feels really hard at the moment, like nobody understands. I don’t even understand myself… at all. And you know, Chels read me my star sign last night and apparently it said, “Listen to your friend, she is like your sister, and she knows you better than you know yourself”. I’m pretty sure she made that up and it’s not actually what it said, just because I won’t listen to her relationship advice. WTF though, she knows less about me than me. She knows NOTHING.

Whoa, settle down. Wow, that’s sane, now I’m beginning to talk to myself.

I’m eating Fruit Bursts. I’m feeling a bit queezy, I think I’ve had 20. Oh well, I’m hungry so I’m eating, it’s not like there’s anything else to eat.

I think I’m fat, but I don’t really care that much. My cousin thinks she’s fat too, she’s 26. She’s not fat she just has massive boobs. She’s going for a breast reduction, I think she’s going in next week but I’m not quite sure. I hope she will be okay. And her sister is coming back home from England early because she’s really homesick. Actually, I’m not surprised. England is such a dull place, and New Zealand is really bright.

I’ve been thinking about when I was a bridesmaid at the beginning of this year. I was hanging out with the bride’s sister who was a bridesmaid too, she’s 18. She was definitely on something some of the time because she had pupils like pinheads.

I think we got dressed way slower than we were meant to that day. I was covered in fake tan lotion from head to toe, because the bride said I was too pale for the colour of my dress, (green, by the way… ugh). And did two hours of sitting down without moving pay off and make me any browner? No!

We finally got around to putting out dresses on after all of that, but then my hair do fell apart. I have so much hair and it is really thin, and it just won’t hold curls for long. So then they had to fix all my hair into an up-do. Then my makeup had to be touched up, then washed off, then completely re-done. And my dress was way, WAY too small around the chest and my boobs felt squashed and I couldn’t breathe.

In the church the bride’s sister was trying not to cry. She shoved her fingers into her eye sockets to hold the tears back. It didn’t work. She kept two fingers over her eyes for the whole ceremony. How she actually managed to SEE the wedding is a mystery to me.

But then there was the reception. And it was hilarious. My dad, the best man, and the groom all got totally off their faces and made really DISGUSTING speeches, with heaps of dirty language. They did this in front of the priest, who decided he would leave half way through because it was getting too much for him. It was pretty unholy.

I was complimented by my own father, which was scary, on how nice I looked, when I didn’t like the way I looked at all. Dad said all bridesmaids say that. The best man kept saying, “I’ll buy you a drink”. He must have said that to me 100 times. The waiter kept pulling out my chair for me to sit down and whispering into my ear. He looked like the singer from Supergrass. I don’t think any of these people know that I’m 13. One of them asked someone my age and then thought I was 17 and looked shocked.

Me and the bride’s sister racked up a bar tab of $200, which the groom wasn’t too happy about because he had to pay. I wasn’t allowed to be drinking, and was told of by my mum 4 times, but I had 4 shots of flaming Sambuca. The bride’s sister drank Sambuca until the cows came home. Her teeth and tongue were black like a witch, but I don’t think she knew, or cared. She drank so much that they ran out, so she moved onto vodka (that they set on fire so she had some consistency). She wasn’t alone on that though, 11 others joined her at the bar with that.

Then I started on wine. I’d never really drunk wine before but it was alright. It was me, and her, and a hundred glasses of wine.

Me and the bride’s sister went out to get some air then. She said her world was spinning. A car of idiot 17-year-old boys stopped and tried to get us to come to a party, and they were wolf whistling.

Then we went to the gas station to get some cigarettes, but they wouldn’t serve her because they didn’t believe she was 18. We explained for 20 minutes and then they sold them to ME instead. ME, who is 5 years younger than her! Maybe because she was slurring at the man behind the counter.

One of my parent’s friends punched her husband in the face and knocked him out on the floor of the reception because he tried to kiss my mum. Serves him right. Lucky his wife got to him before my dad, hah hah.

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