The Beauty of Hindsight – October 19th, 2000

It’s amazing how things change just like that.

I haven’t written anything in here for almost 2 weeks… I’ve just had a lot of thinking to catch up on.

The thing is, breaking up with George was no surprise, all along I could tell that we were truly not working out, but I loved him so much that I didn’t face up to it. Sure, it’s going to hurt me to see him with another girl, but it’s best for us to just move on.

I really love George, but I’ve never loved him in a lusty way, in the kind of way where he’s like my best friend. Thank God it’s over, it’s actually a relief to not be going out with him anymore because I don’t have to worry about breaking up, because it’s already done.

But it’s sad, and in a way there’s a part of me that does want him back, and maybe there always will be. At one point it felt like he was my whole world, and that’s wrong. There will be others. I’ll always look back and think how I loved him, and nothing can change that. If I ever love anyone else it won’t feel the same as that, and it might never compete.

For a while, I’ll probably compare everybody to him and I know I shouldn’t.

I’ve been hanging out a lot with Shane and that’s nice. The other day we dyed his hair purple. Everyone kept calling him a gaybo because of it, but I think he looks cute. As if I’d tell him that though.

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