I’ve been feeling like (and I can’t believe I’m writing this), maybe that I’m ready to have sex.
I know I’m only almost 14, but I feel like I’m a lot different to other girls. I’ve been through so much more than other girls my age that I know, and I feel like I have a different outlook on life than too.
It’s weird because suddenly, it’s pretty much the only thing I think of all the time. I heard that boys think about sex every 7 seconds. But, is that just boys?
I see sex in EVERYTHING at the moment. Some foods make me think about sex, watching kissing on TV makes me think about sex, some songs on the radio make me think about sex, and sometimes NOTHING makes me think about sex and I just think about it because I’m thinking about it.
I feel like I want to do it, maybe with someone that I know really well.
I can’t even explain how embarrassing this is to say on paper. Now I’m going to have to either carry this book with my everywhere, or find a really, REALLY good hiding place for it so nobody sees.
But, don’t judge me book. I’m not an idiot and I know I’m young, but it’s up to me really.
Off the topic, Jeff has been emailing me a few times a day. I’ve asked him to see me but he still won’t. Shane says that Jeff is emotionally blackmailing me in a way, by telling me he’s going to kill himself. Shane says he doesn’t think Jeff has a genuine bone in his body. He thinks that Jeff is just talking about suicide so I won’t cut off contact, so he thinks I should just stop talking to him completely and that he won’t go through with it.
I don’t know what to think. I’m not always replying to his messages because he’s commanding too much of my time, and the reality is that I’m not interested in being his girlfriend and I’ll never be interested. He’s way too old and the whole situation is a bit off.