I Lost Something, I Found Something – November 11th, 2000

I’m going to write this really quickly because Chels is coming over to stay the night soon. I’m also going to have to hide this somewhere because I can’t believe what I’m about to write.

Last night something crazy happened.

Shane’s parents were away in a hotel. Shane says they are going to get divorced he thinks, so they went away to see if they could get back some of what they had or something. I really don’t get how going to a hotel will fix anything, but what do I know?

I walked over there after getting dressed up. I honestly felt so good. When I was walking over I had 3 boys whistle out their car window. I actually hate it when guys do that, whistle at us like we’re sheep dogs or something. Is that supposed to make us swoon to them? Who knows. Clearly they are idiots.

When I got to his house I hid behind his fence for a while because I was really nervous. His house has the messiest front lawn I’ve ever seen in my life. There’s plumbing pipes, bits of cars, old bits of wood, all piled up in their lawn. He said that’s part of the reason why his mum can’t take it anymore.

Anyway, I managed to get up the courage to walk to his door. When I knocked, it felt like a thousand years before he opened the door.

When he saw me his eyes went really wide. Then I was self concious. I asked him what was wrong, and he said nothing, that I looked really nice. He said he was just worried in case I got the wrong idea and thought he was having a party. (I didn’t tell him what was going on in my head by the way).

He’d got out some movies that I like. Ones that he really hates. Like The Wizard of OZ, and also BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER! That made me laugh. As if I’d expect him to watch that with me!!

He put The Wizard of OZ on, and told me he was just making dinner. As it happens, he made tacos. He makes the best Mexican food in the whole world from his mum’s recipes. I don’t know what’s in there but it’s so good. I only ate one taco though, I didn’t have food on my mind.

We sat there for a while, after dinner. We drank some stolen Baileys, and made fun of the Cowardly Lion.

Then after the movie was finished, we put on some music.

When there was a lull in our conversation, I slid up to him on the couch. He looked down at me with a half smile. Almost a questioning kind of look. A bit like he was wondering what was happening.

And then I kissed him. We kissed for so, so long. It ended up with me lying on the couch and him on top of me, just kissing like that, for a very long time.

Then we went to his bedroom.

I can’t write too much about this just in case someone reads. Also, I will blush.

He actually carried me there. CARRIED ME. Like in the movies. I was thinking in my head, ‘Is this real?’. Because CARRYING ME, honestly…does anybody really do that?

When he lay me down he came and sat next to me, and we both laughed a little bit. We know eachother so well, yet it wasn’t awkward doing this, it was like it was meant to happen all along.

He brushed his fingers over my face, and then kissed my eyes, and kissed my neck.

Then he took my clothes off, and I took his clothes off. And all of sudden we were both naked with his sheets over us.

I honestly can’t even bring myself to go into detail… eek.

It was amazing having his arms around me. He’s kind of muscly. Having his arms around me and his weight on top of me made me feel really safe, kind of like I was in some sort of cucoon. I know that sounds lame. It probably is. But it was amazing to me.

Afterwards we started laughing again. I put my hands over my face like I was embarassed and started giggling into my hands, but he pulled my hands away and kissed me again.

We talked and laughed for a while, and then he said, “I bet you want to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer, don’t you?” And it was funny because, I DID!

After we watched the movie, he walked me home. I had to call mum to tell her I was on my way back because she thought I was at a family friends house down the road.

All the way home, he held my hand really tight. He said he couldn’t believe what had happened, and to be honest, neither could I really. He kept looking at me and smiling.

When we got to my house he said he didn’t want me to go. We hung out for a while in a house that’s getting built out the front of mine and kissed some more. Every time I was about to leave, we ended up kissing again.

Finally, I had to leave.

When I walked in the house mum was mad because I had taken half an hour longer than I’d told her on the phone. I just told her I’d bumped into someone on the street.

Honestly, I thought I would feel angry, annoyed or disgusted with myself after doing it. But I feel amazing. Like, truly truly good and glad. Because me and Shane are so close, we always have and we always will be. But now I feel like, I really know him. And, that’s what he said to me too when we were watching Buffy.

I keep smiling.

I kind of wish Chels wasn’t coming over tonight, because my parents are going out for drinks in town, and I wish I could just go over there and see him again.

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3 thoughts on “I Lost Something, I Found Something – November 11th, 2000

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