Wishing You Were Someone Else – November 17th, 2000

It’s my birthday in a few days, and I’m not going to get to be with the people that I really want to celebrate with.

I have Chels coming over to stay the night tomorrow, and I think my sister has her friend over too. My parents are going to get a cake, fizzy drink, chocolate and chips, and some horror movies. If only they knew what I reeeally did in my spare time. It’s not that kind of party at all.

There IS a party tomorrow night too. A proper one. With loud music and alcohol and dancing. If Chels wasn’t such a downer I would take her out to it, introduce her to some people and show her some things. Let her meet Shane, and watch her eyes get envious because of how much of a babe he is, heh heh.

But she’s not like that.

I sometimes fantasise about her being someone different. If she was just like me and just wanted to get out there and do things and see things. If she wanted to break rules, and sometimes say the wrong things, and wear clothes that were different.

That’s not a nice way of thinking.

I do like being her friend. I really do. She is a nice girl, really nice, and sweet too. But in the last year I feel like she’s trying to pull closer and closer to me, and I’ve been trying to pull away from her. It’s almost a suffocating feeling.

Technically, she’s my best friend. But we don’t really have that much in common. She gets jealous and doesn’t like it when I talk to boys, or when I talk to other people on the phone, and she always wants to know about everything I do.

It’s not her fault, but I’m just not that kind of person. I don’t have friends who are girls that I can really be myself with. I feel like they never get me or they are just judging me.

Anyway, I feel mean saying these things, and I have to get ready to tell mum that I’m too sick for school today. It’s 5am. Let the games begin.

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