My head hurts.
School today was interesting. Aside from the fact that I feel like complete shit, I had to come back to the crazy mess that I’d set up for myself last Friday.
I checked my email this morning and I had 7 emails from my ‘friends’ from school, about what happened the other day. Some were apologies, some were threats. I have to admit, the threats were the best ones, because these people are all words and no action, so we will see what happens there.
There was an email from Jeff. I haven’t heard from him for a few weeks because I’d blocked his email. It seems he’s finally worked out he can just get another email account and get through to my email that way. Looks like we have a genius on our hands.
Anyway. I tossed and turned last night for hours and hours. I know it was because I was still dealing with the amount of drugs and alcohol I consumed on Friday night. There was no way I could sleep like that. I ended up creeping into my mum’s bathroom, and snagging some sleeping pills. That was both a good idea and a bad idea.
Good idea because:
1. I actually managed to get to sleep
2. I didn’t even hear my dad snoring (Which is pretty unbelievable. This is a person who could rattle the dead out of their graves with the amount of snorting he does in the night)
Bad idea because:
1. My mum had to shake me awake 4 times to get me up, and this also included a lot of swearing
2. I spent the whole day wondering if I actually was awake, or if I was dreaming
As soon as I got to school, Chels was waiting for me at the gates. She ran up to me like nothing had happened the other day and threw her arms around me. She said she ‘understands’ what I’m going through at the moment, that it was wrong for her to judge me, that she should have stood by me. Then she handed me an envelope. I put it into my bag because I knew it would be awkward to open it in front of her.
The rest of the day was really strange. All my ‘friends’ acted like nothing had happened on Friday. Someone even bought me a pie and a strawberry milk at lunch time. I wonder what’s going on.
After lunch though, I just crashed. I suddenly felt so depressed and shit about everything. About Shane, about my friends, about the weekend and what I got up to. I felt really shit about me. I also felt dizzy, like I had no energy. In class my eyes couldn’t even really stay awake anymore.
I excused myself and went and sat in a bathroom stall and just cried and cried. After crying for about 15 minutes my teacher came and found me. I told her I was really sick, so she let me go and spend some time in the sick bay.
I lay on the bed in there for about 30 minutes when my mum came to pick me up. She put her hand on my forehead and said I look like I have the flu. And that was when I felt really ashamed about the truth. Imagine if she knew…